Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
