i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
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