I just pynch a tree in the face
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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