I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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