Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
