I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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