Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
