What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
