My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
