people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
