Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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