My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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