I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
