My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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