I cannot find my penis.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
