It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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