You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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