I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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