I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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