i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think my moral compass just broke
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
