About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
