im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
