as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
