hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
