The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
