u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
