I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
