she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
