from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
