It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
