Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
