Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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