glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
