pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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