If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
