My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
