sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
