There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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