i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
