You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
