apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
