Will you blow on my dice?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
