I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
