Will you blow on my dice?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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