If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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