it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
