Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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