i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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