a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
