and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
