"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Girls should come with a carfax report
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
