Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
