I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
