I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
