Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
