I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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