is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
