I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
