how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
