I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
