i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The uberlube is also flammable
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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