p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
