First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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