Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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