The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize