We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
