The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
