so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just gift wrapped bread.
He passed out mid-signature
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
