i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
